Tao of Dow for April 1

by Simon Dumenco

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dipped 50.79 points on Wednesday to close at 10,856.63 as Wall Street reacted to news that Baby Upset It’s Not a Single Lady. However, stock futures were up overnight, and the market opened high, as investors priced in news that the Nazi hat that professional dirtbag Jesse James was photographed wearing was, his lawyer says, a gag gift from his godfather — and his godfather is a Jew, so that makes it OK!

The Nasdaq Composite Index fell 12.73 points to 2,397.96 as tech investors priced in rumors that the Baby Upset It’s Not a Single Lady video might not be playable on the new iPad, because of its lack of Flash support.

Simon Dumenco is The Awl’s Senior Wall Street Correspondent and Justin Bieber Bureau Chief.