Larry King: Tied with Liz Taylor for Divorces

Larry King, baby. He’s still got it! He has filed for divorce number EIGHT. I don’t even know how that happens to a human being! Or at least, one who isn’t Elizabeth Taylor. They are now tied: eight divorces and seven spouses each, because yes, both of them double-dipped at one point. (I mean, obvs, it was Richard Burton. I would have married that twice too.) Larry, by the way, is 76, and Taylor is 78. Now comes my obligatory comment about the sanctity of heterosexual marriage. Phew, that’s taken care of! And in closing, really… wow. Speaking as an abortion-loving Godless homosexual, even I am impressed, Mr. King.