I'm The Guy Who Smokes, Plus I Got Depression

A study has found that nearly half of adult smokers in the U.S. are depressed-perhaps because cigarettes are so fucking expensive. But it gets worse.

The report, drawn from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys of 2005 through 2008, also found depressed smokers are heavier smokers. Depressed people were more likely to smoke within five minutes of awakening and to smoke more than one pack of cigarettes a day. Twenty-eight percent of adult smokers with depression smoked more than a pack a day, which is almost twice the rate for adult smokers without depression.

I could tick “yes” on every single one of those boxes. Also, I first read “heavier” smokers to mean “overweight,” which would also be true in my case. Oh my God, I am so very, very sad. I hope these fucks don’t find some additional correlation with alcoholism; I don’t think my tender, wounded heart could take it. Okay, smoke break! That should cheer me up.