Final British Debate To Resolve Which Poor Sucker Has To Lead Country

Whoever wins The Race to Run Knifecrime Island will take the reins of a fragile, broken country-a nation where small children are denied the comforts of cheese and harried educators batter their charges with free weights while screaming “Die, die, die,” only to walk free. Britain’s finances are so terrible that even the head of the Bank of England has predicted that the party which wins the election will be forced to make such savage cuts that it will be out of power for a generation. A group of psychologists predicts that the Conservatives will snatch that poisoned chalice, but there is still one final debate in which Britons’ lager-addled minds can be swayed. It is perhaps Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s last opportunity to berate both his staff and his nation, or for Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg to skate by on the fact that people aren’t sick of him yet. Who will stab their way to victory? You can watch the whole thing here. I’d suggest some kind of drinking game, but for the beleaguered unfortunates who eke out their sorry existence on that cursed isle, life is already a drinking game, which you only lose when they knife you to death. And it’s on.