You Will Never Find A Husband In New York

Are ladies leaving New York because the city’s men refuse to settle down? That’s the premise of this piece in the Post, which posits that the paucity of paramours prepared to propose perplexes and perturbs their presumptive partners, prompting them to pack it in for more promising provinces.

“The dating scene in New York is like Neverland — guys never have to grow up because the dating pool is so big for them,” says Christine G., a 30-year-old publicist who lives in Chelsea and didn’t want her full last name published. “If someone better-looking comes along, they’re moving on.”

In fact, dating in NYC can be so brutal that many women are calling the city quits, convinced their love lives can make it anywhere but here. Devastated by a recent breakup, Christine has set a ticking clock on her tryst with the Big Apple. She has two years to find a serious beau — or find a new hometown.

While evidence for this trend is highly anecdotal, it is a scientific fact that every woman wants to get married and will stop at nothing to achieve that goal, including pulling up stakes and heading out to the less competitive areas of the country where the men are more easily tricked into submission. So there may very well be something to it. The good news, however, is that most of the women quoted in the article are in their 30s or over-or, as Science refers to them, “crones”-which means that if they do leave they are freeing up space for a new crop of hot young twenty-somethings who are already conditioned by the gender imbalances they experienced at college to put up with pretty much anything, from sitting around watching you play videogames to performing the most degrading sexual acts invented by the Japanese porn industry, just so they can say they have a man. It really is the greatest city in the world! (If you have a penis.)