Stupid Currency Markets Will Allow Chuckleheaded Canucks To Think They're Better Than Us

I am horrified by economic estimates suggesting that Canada’s currency-nicknamed “the loonie” after the nation’s first Prime Minister, Don Cherry-will at some point this fall be worth more than our own American dollar. This is not simply a matter of jingoistic pride; let the peso soar above the greenback and I’ll be down in Cozumel quicker than you can say “cheap hotel stay in Cozumel.” No, this is about Canada somehow being able to feel a sense of superiority to its bigger, cooler brother just because it has a sensible financial system and socialized medicine and much less gun crime AND a more valuable dollar. This aggression cannot stand. I would rather live in a fascist dictatorship than to endure in a world where a magazine is actually a dollar less north of the border than it is down here. Prorogue this, you ice-farming scumbags.