Smoking Is Awesome

Good news, smokers! A new study shows that you are reducing your risk of developing Parkinson’s disease simply by enjoying your favorite hobby, the near-perfect act of lighting a cigarette and drawing its comforting smoke and nicotine deep into your lungs. That’s right, not only does smoking steady your nerves, sharpen your focus, and soothe your anxieties, it also helps to prevent movement disorders. Even better, smoking rewards commitment: The longer you smoke, the less likely your chances of developing Parkinson’s actually are. As someone who has his twenty-fifth anniversary with sweet, inhalable tobacco coming up next year, this is the kind of gift I never expected from the marvelous companion that is nicotine, which makes it all the more meaningful. Smoking is also thought to prevent Alzheimer’s. And there is a wealth of scientific evidence showing that people who smoke are intrinsically cooler than non-smokers. It really is a miracle drug, isn’t it?