Real America: It's the End Times at the Red River... Again

by Abe Sauer

It is expected to be in the high 30s and low 40s this weekend in eastern North Dakota and western Minnesota. The annual Red River “hundred year flood” is on. And in its latest attempt to attract Anderson Cooper, the region is pulling out all the stops. Moorhead and Clay County have already declared states of emergency. Fargo’s Cass County jail is prepping to move its prisoners north to Grand Forks where they stand less of a chance of being drowned. An upside of the rising waters? Real estate sales are booming. At least ten homeowners have sold their doomed riverside domiciles to the city of Fargo, which already purchased 24. And what could be more fun than watching all the action (live!) on the Grand Forks Herald 2010 Flood Cam.

Gripping.

Some readers may remember the flood last year. For those who do not, by all means check out the Big Picture’s fantastic gallery. And by “fantastic” I mean “fucking nightmarish.”

The flooding is expected to be less severe than last year when, after a near record snow season, temperatures went from 17 degrees below zero, on March 12, to 40 degrees two days later, then quickly ratcheting up to 50 degrees. And then, from March 22 to 24, it rained.

Of course, residents, especially those in Fargo-Moorhead, are still shitting bricks… which they are then putting into bags and piling along the riverbank.

But seriously, freezing floodwater is abominable.

Abe Sauer is not looking forward to this.