Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Paid Me

Tom Scocca: Now I am going to tell you about my dream.

Choire: Oh neat!

Tom: I was working in some sort of coffeehouse at one end of a table. One one side, to the left, was Alex Balk. On the other side, to the right, was some tiny hipster girl blogging for Gawker.

Tom: In the middle of the afternoon, someone came around to the girl with a scorecard and a menu, showing her how many Blogging Points she had accumulated that day and what candy she could buy off the rewards menu. She still also had to pay some money for the candy, besides cashing in her Denton points for it.

Tom: And they made sure this transaction was really obvious and protracted, because they were trying to antagonize Balk by letting him watch it.

Tom: So I flipped out and went into a raging jeremiad.

Tom: Like, “YOU THINK IT’S OK FOR YOU TO WORK FOR FUCKING SKITTLES; YOU THINK IT’S FUNNY, YOU WORKING FOR FUCKING SKITTLES; YOU THINK IT’S FUNNY THAT IT BUGS THAT GUY THAT YOU WORK FOR FUCKING SKITTLES; BUT IF YOU ARE FUCKING WORKING FOR FUCKING SKITTLES, EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS GOING TO HAVE TO WORK FOR FUCKING SKITTLES! EVERYONE! IN THE WORLD! SKITTLES!”

Tom: I swear to you that is what I did dream.

Choire: Sad to say, I can believe it.

Tom: I did not know that my subconscious even knew who Alex Balk WAS.