Jersey Mayhem: Man Accused Of Stealing Two Cases Of Corona From Bar, Throwing Bodily Fluids At...

Jersey Mayhem: Man Accused Of Stealing Two Cases Of Corona From Bar, Throwing Bodily Fluids At Police Officer

First of all, let’s get this out of the way, the bodily fluids in question were not contained inside the bottles of Corona. In fact, the bodily fluids were not “thrown,” apparently, despite the official charges, they were spit. And, they were just spit. Nevertheless, this is a story from the “Jersey Mayhem” section of the Asbury Park Press that really earns the distinction.

Police officers Richard Johnson and Joseph Lamb were called to a bar in Keansburg Sunday night and told that a man had stolen and ran off with two cases of Corona beer. Which is understandable: Corona is delicious and refreshing, especially with a slice of lime. It’s transportive even, enabling the drinker to imagine himself miles away from an ordinary New Jersey bar, sitting in a beach chair under a palm tree, a beautiful woman at your side, so relaxed and unconcerned with everyday cares that you toss your cellphone into the turquoise sea stretching out before you like a metaphor for limitless time and possibility. But it’s not really worth paying for 24 bottles if that’s how many you want to drink on a Sunday night. And you have a call to make on the cellphone, actually. So, soon enough, 26-year-old Shannon LeComte was apprehended nearby and brought back to the bar so that witnesses might identify him as the culprit. As the paper reports,

When they arrived at the tavern, LeComte was sitting in the back seat of the patrol car, talking on his cellphone, police said. When Johnson told him to hang up, the Ocean Township man threw the phone in his face, police said. Then he began to kick and punch both officers, the deputy chief said. LeComte spit on Johnson, kicked out the side window of the police car and bent the door frame, police said.

He was then pepper-sprayed and taken in to the station, where he was charged with shoplifting, resisting arrest, throwing bodily fluids at a police officer, terroristic threats, criminal mischief and three counts of aggravated assault on a police officer. Bail was set at $62,000, which would buy many, many cases of Corona. I don’t know why the charge is “throwing” bodily fluids. Maybe it’s stemming from the fact that “spitting up” is synonymous with “throwing up?” Seems like a stretch.