Happy Bizarre Queens Election Day!

This is the first and only morning that I’ve woken up and thought “I sure wish I lived adjacent to La Guardia”! (Although I can see it being useful, what with all those flights and stuff.) But yes today our friends in Jackson Heights get to vote in the best special election ever. (We welcome on-the-ground reports from readers). The choice? Three men, including a not-very-interesting, middle-of-the-road (ish) conservative, a fairly consistent working-class liberal Democrat and… in the far corner… in the red trunks… rootin’ tootin’ face-slashin’ Hiram Monserrate! I personally despise Monserrate for non-face-slashing reasons; having sat in on his Veteran Affairs committee meetings when he was a City Councilman, I watched him glad-hand adorable elderly gay veterans, only to later turn around and slash them in the face by opposing gay marriage in New York in the Senate. Ah, the land where you can marry your face-slasher but only if he’s not of the same sex. But your reasons to despise him may be varied and diverse! For people who may be voting in this election, there’s an actually useful breakdown from the Queens Tribune.

It goes pretty much like this:

If Peralta wins, the power in the Senate switches fully to the Democrats, who would hold a 32–30 margin, theoretically giving them all the votes they need to pass whatever they want. If the Republican wins, the Senate will split 31–31, keeping either party short of owning a party-based vote. If Monserrate wins, there is no telling what he will do, having helped throw the Senate into chaos last June when he voted with the Republicans and forced Senate Majority Leader Malcolm Smith out of power.

CHAOS! NO TELLING! Love it.