A Country Of Junkies Cannot Put Down Their iPhones

A survey of 200 students at Stanford University revealed the newest crippling dependency that is sapping the vitality of our nation’s youth: iPhone addicition. Nearly half the survey’s participants admitted to being very or completely addicted to the devices, while 41 percent admitted that they would characterize the loss of their iPhones as a “tragedy.” Also:

There was also a tendency among the survey participants to anthropomorphize their iPhones and treat it differently than other electronics. For example, 3 percent of the students said they don’t let anyone touch their iPhone; another 3 percent have named their iPhone; 9 percent have patted their iPhone and 8 percent admitted that they have at some time thought “My iPod is jealous of my iPhone.”

Other signs of iPhone addiction are thought to include an irrational desire to have the latest popular tech product, a willingness to shell out money for a device whose actual “phone” aspect remains only a slight improvement on two Dixie cups connected with a string, and a deep misunderstanding of what “addiction” actually is.