The Oscar Announcements: It Is Here! With SHOCKERS

Okay, so this is super-serious. What we expected to have happen for the ten Best Picture nominees is not at all what happened in real life. Instead of the inclusion of commercially popular films like The Hangover and even possibly Star Trek, we ended up with a shocking inclusion of A Serious Man-which deserves it, sorry haters!-and… The Blind Side. One thing: there’s not a single comedy in there. (Unless you count the Coen brothers, which, too dark to even be comedy.)

That there are two performances nominated from Invictus-Morgan Freeman as best actor and Matt Damon as best supporting-is a horror show.

More shockingly? This is the first time in like, ever, that Almodovar has gotten snubbed. (OK, except Bad Education, which was meh.) (Anyway, apparently, this we knew from the shortlist, but seeing it really happen is upsetting!)

8:44 The Ten Best Picture Nominees: Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Locker, Inglourious Basterds, Precious, A Serious Man, Up, Up in the Air. WHOA.

8:43 a.m. NO ALMODOVAR FOR BEST FOREIGN PICTURE? WHAT?
8:43 am. Adapted: In the Loop! Yay! Annnnd no nomination for Dave Eggers.
8:43 a.m. Director: CAMERON v. BIGELOW! (v. Tarantino!)
8:42 a.m. Supporting: Damon, Harrelson, Plummer, Tucci and YAY INGLOURIOUS NAZI.
8:40 a.m. Penelope, Vera, Maggie, Anna, MO’NIQUE. Supporting!
8:40 a.m. Anne Hathaway: PANTSUIT.
8:38 a.m. “WE ARE ONE MINUTE TO AIR.”
8:36 a.m. I can’t believe everyone in Los Angeles stayed up all night and took extra meth to sit in this auditorium and talk to people they already know they hate.
8:34 a.m. This presentation has all the charm and timeliness of a high school choir recital.
8:33 a.m. Someone in L.A. who works in the media has a hacking cough! I bet it’s that queen from The Envelope.
8:32 a.m. PLEASE REMOVE YOUR VEHICLES FROM THE PARKING LOT BY 7 A.M. PST. Stupid media.
8:31 a.m. How are you all going to feel when Dave Eggers gets nominated for screenplay? Are you ready for Academy Awardâ„¢ nominated Dave Eggers?
8:30 a.m. OMG.

7:45 a.m. We are all-and by “all,” I mean, those of us who are not doing emergency surgery on babies in Haiti or reading some things called “books”-super-stoked about this morning’s Oscar announcements. Ten! Ten Best Picture nominees! Something something The Hangover something death cage-match something Inglourious Basterds! Let’s get crunk together on the validation of the careers of some liberal narcissists from the other coast!

Vulture started off the morning with the rumor that ABC accidentally pre-announced the Oscars. “A simple search of the word ‘oscar’ on ABCNews.com brings up a long list of results titled ‘2010 Oscar Nominations.’” Ha, that is because they had a bunch of interns prepare ready to post “This Person Won an Oscar” thingies that they can just hit publish on. That’s what they do at news organizations, you know-prewrite and hope it sounds good when it’s true to sort of true! (Except, apparently, in the event of the death of J.D. Salinger, which apparently took every obit desk in America by surprise?)

As far as best picture predictions go? We are co-signing this list, by Awl pal Natasha Vargas-Cooper, as a combination of should-be nominated and likely-to-be nominated.

1. Avatar
2. The Hangover
3. District 9
4. An Education
5. Inglorious Basterds
6. Precious
7. Hurt Locker
8. Blind Side
9. Up in the Air
10. Nine

Will we ever actually see, with our own eyes, The Blind Side? No. But apparently this weird, 80s-era take on American race relations is warming seats and/or hearts all over America.

Also? Like fully nearly any three of those movies could get dumped for STAR TREK. I know, right?