Knifecrime Island Is Actually Lovecrime Island

Let me offer you some additional, and contradictory, testimony on why there is all that constant glassing over in England and its wholly-owned subsidiary islands of stabbitude. The thing is? They’re just crazy in love. In a recent science poll, almost one-third of Americans said they’d rather spend Valentine’s Day with their pets than a person. 50% of Turks said the same! 2 out of 5 Indians agreed! But get this: only 18% of Knifecrimers surveyed said they would prefer to spend the day with a pet, rather than a lover. The people of Britain are love-besotted romantics! And all that passion makes them violent. Now you understand. (See also: Edward II.)