Jersey Mayhem: Cop Snowballer Now Hottest Dude In Jersey

Matthew Beck is one New Jersey fella who will be getting some this weekend. And when he does, he’ll have the the JERSEY MAYHEM!!! section of the Asbury Park Press to thank. Also, the snow, his exceptional aim, his poor judgment and Hanover Township police officer Dominic Kaiser.

Beck, 20, was arrested for throwing a snowball at Kaiser’s police car Wednesday night. As the paper reports:

A 20-year-old township man allegedly was launching snowballs at cars on Whippany Road around midnight today and ended up hitting a cop car at 12:25 a.m., police said.

Launching! What a stud. Beck apparently has an anti-aircraft gun for an arm.

In fact, the way this story is worded, it sounds like he threw one snowball so far and so high that it didn’t land on its target until 25 minutes later. Then, Kaiser turned around. Beck ran. Kaiser chased him down, brought him into the station and charged him with disorderly conduct and underage drinking before releasing him to go home and clip the article to bring to a party tonight, where he will show it big-haired girls who will marvel at the extent to which he totally doesn’t give a fuck because he’s totally fuckin’ crazy. Dude’s got it made.