Dear Proprietors of ThePublicApology.com

Dear Proprietors of ThePublicApology.com,

I hope you’re not working too hard, and that the huge amount of money you’re undoubtedly making off your Google AdWords™ isn’t weighing down your pockets too much. I’d hate to think I’ve made the commute to your palatial offices in any way less pleasant. Perhaps your limousine is equipped with a treasure chest?

It was way back in October, 2009, when you secured your domain name and began offering users a cheap and easy way to absolve their guilt. As you say, “Everybody’s sorry about something. What do you need to apologize for?” So true!

It’s nice that you let your users post their apologies anonymously. In fact, I see that you insist upon it. I imagine that’s for legal reasons? That’s cool. Everything is always so much easier when we do it anonymously. And I’m sure this policy has no effect on the level of truthfulness to which the writers aspire. I’m confident that none of the more than 50 apologies available to read right now were written by the ThePublicApology.com staff in an effort to drum up more business.

For example, this one, from “The woman in the red top and black satin pants,” to:

The man in Rudin’s Restaurant at the back table to the left on October 24:
I was the woman whose son, on the way to the restroom, swung that toy in the air, accidentally caught your hairpiece with it, and knocked it into your soup. I am so sorry! I do hope the lady with you was your wife or at least a long-time friend and not a date you were trying to impress. (She certainly seemed to be having trouble stifling a serious case of the giggles.)

I’m sure that is a true story!

Or this beauty, from “N.G.” to:

Tawnelle:
I apologize for sending you the gift of cosmetics for black women. Not having met you (except by e-mail) until last night, I assumed from your name that you were African-American. You will admit your name sounds rather like those of many Black women. I tried to select a suitable and thoughtful gift. Boy, did I goof! But I hope you won’t hold it against me. Embarrassedly…

Boy, that would be embarrassing, wouldn’t it? Tawnelle must have been really mad! Who would want to be mistaken for being black?!

Well, it’s clear that you are providing a valuable service to the community. You are definitely to be commended. I sure hope your business endeavor hasn’t become a pain-in-the-neck job already, or earned you more money than you know what to do with.

Oh. I see you have an “I expect an apology” feature at your website, too. Maybe someone will use that.

Dave