How To Un-Boring the Oscars

Hero entertainer and thinker Ann Magnuson has some truly excellent suggestions on how to improve the Oscars. For one thing? “More clip montages! Tom Ford could present the Glamour Montage, Tarantino puts together A Bit of the Old Ultra-Violent Montage, Meryl Streep hosts the Accent Montage, Kristen Stewart and Christopher Lee present the Sexy Vampire Montage, and Jon Voight presents How Hollywood Liberals are Destroying the Country Montage.” Oh, yes please. Also? Yearly themes!

There should be dress code “themes” for each year, a la Truman Capote’s famous 1966 Black and White Ball. The first theme, to honor the new “old” location, would be the year 1962. Think JFK’s inaugural ball meets “Mad Men” and Tom Ford’s “A Single Man,” with everyone dressed in black and white with accents of green and gold, as seen in the glittering decor inside the pavilion.

The next year, we could progress to Fellini. All will be sent screeners of “Toby Dammit” and expected to dress like those in the Ferrari/award ceremony sequence. Later, the academy could turn to ancient Rome. All are sent screeners of the 1953 film “Quo Vadis.” Women are asked to pay close attention to Deborah Kerr’s dazzling Technicolor costumes, while men can go in Tom Ford or full-on Praetorian Guard. Togas, of course, would be “too much.” Finally, we reach the ultimate goal — Pasolini’s “Salo” — and members are asked to dress and act accordingly.