On Heating Meat

THIS IS WHY YOU'RE DEAD

Someday soon we will be able to safely eat burgers composed of bits of dozens of different ground-up cows as well as their feces

, because the cows themselves will be immune to E. coli! Thanks to vaccines, and ingenuity. And no thanks to “bureaucratic delays in Washington.” Those fatcats! Again! So all the problems are now basically solved except for the solving.