New Holiday Song: "Christmas With The Family"

We are mercifully approaching the end of the Christmas music season! Just a couple more days and you don’t have to think about “Silver Bells” for another year. But I’ve been thinking: When’s the last time we got a new Christmas song, one that accurately reflects the way we live now? Not for a long time, right? So I went and wrote one just now. Hopefully it will join the pantheon of holiday favorites, particularly if someone bothers to set it to music. Anyway, enjoy! I hope you find a little bit of yourself in it. And Merry Christmas!

The traffic sucked, your flight was late
Your luggage got “delayed”
It’s clear we’re near the special date
That makes us all afraid

Yes, the family’s all together for the holidays
Getting loaded just to fake some Christmas cheer
Sulking in the shadow of the fire’s blaze
Hoping that we’re dead this time next year

Mother’s in the kitchen whipping up a snack
Crying about how you never call
Father’s sneaking whiskey in the shed out back
Wishing that that bitch would hit the mall

Sister isn’t happy with the gift you gave
“Just another lousy pair of slacks”
Grandma has decided that she won’t behave
Listen to her rant about “the blacks”

Yes, the family’s all together for the holidays
Getting loaded just to fake some Christmas cheer
Sulking in the shadow of the fire’s blaze
Hoping that we’re dead this time next year

Brother’s looking anxious and depressed again
Just the way he does each year this day
Just two simple words would make things right, but then
He’d have to tell your mom and dad he’s gay

Uncle Eddie’s leaning drunk against the kitchen hutch
Like he has been since you were a tot
And even though you both recall that one bad touch
He prays to God each year that you forgot

Yes, the family’s all together for the holidays
Getting loaded just to fake some Christmas cheer
Sulking in the shadow of the fire’s blaze
Hoping that we’re dead this time next year
Yes, we’re hoping that we’ll all be dead next year