Letters to the Editors of Women's Magazines, with Edith Zimmerman

Winning Hands
I haven’t worn playful nail polish since I was an adolescent, but the painted nails in “Power Points” [September] were so stylish, they made me reconsider my go-to French manicure. Your article showed me that my nails are another accessory I can have fun with.
Stephanie B., Overland Park, Kan. (InStyle, November 2009)

Why do we have ten fingers? That seems like a lot-personally I think I’d rather just have one. I’d want it to be made out of all the other fingers, though, so what I’d do is cut them all off and sew them together end to end, and then reattach the whole thing back onto my hand. And you could get rid of my other arm too, so I’d just have one arm with one really long finger at the end. Wouldn’t that be stylish?
Tracy J., Long Beach

Before and After
As a teenager I always wore baggy clothes-I was considered a tomboy. Once I started reading InStyle, I was finally able to put together my current classy look. Not only do you show great fashion and beauty ideas, but you tell the reader how to get them for herself. That’s why I love this magazine.
Garima S., via instyle.com (InStyle, November 2009)

As a teenager I used to put a toilet paper roll in my underwear and tell people I had a dick. I don’t do it as much anymore, but sometimes I still do it.

Charlotte T., Kansas City

What Generation Gap?
I may be considered “old” by some (I just turned 47), but women of all ages love InStyle. The proof? I keep several issues on my coffee table and often find my daughter and granddaughters flipping through them. I continually go back to my past issues to find accessories, beauty products, and style tips. Don’t change a thing. I love you just the way you are!
Linda F., via instyle.com (InStyle, November 2009)

Do you ever wish you went to the bathroom and instead of pee a bunch of dust came out because you were dead and your body had already decomposed? Or do you ever wish you were a hundred pounds skinnier because you had died and been cremated? Or do you ever wish you went to the doctor and he was like, “The test came back empty because you were never alive in the first place”? N-E way, just wondering.
Amanda N., Columbus, OH

Obama Overload
I am so past the saturation point with the Obama family, I can’t even see straight. In the five years I have been receiving your magazine, I cannot remember a similar adulatory article that fawned over Laura Bush’s style.
Jane P., via InStyle.com (InStyle, December 2009)

OK, one last question: Do you ever wish you woke up in a grave and had bugs for eyes and worms for hands? OK, and this really is the last one, I swear, but do you ever wish that instead of getting dressed in the morning you could just roll out of bed and clatter to the floor in a pile of bones?
Amanda N., Columbus OH

Best of the Best
How irresponsible of you to show model Carmen Kass separating her eyelashes with, of all things, a safety pin [“Best of Beauty,” October]. Let’s hope none of your readers display such a, so to speak, glaring lack of common sense.
Kathe R., Las Vegas (Allure, December 2009)

Thanks for all the awesome tips! I particularly enjoyed the tip about poking my eyes out with a safety pin. At first I was like “Maybe I shouldn’t,” but then I did, and it’s definitely given me a new perspective. As in, no perspective, because now I am blind. Kudos!
Marcie T., Mobile, AL

The Techno Gap
I applaud Katie Drummond [“The Facebooking Mother-in-Law,” October 2009] for exposing the secret hostility I feel. Let’s face it: No one wants her technological kingdom taken over by nosy parents. We don’t want to have to censor our language or delete pictures of blackout moments. Give us back our Facebook!
Kara J., San Diego, CA (Marie Claire, December 2009)

I only have two Facebook friends-my mom and my dad. I didn’t even know you could have more! This is amazing! So what do you do, look up names you’ve heard of, or do you think up imaginary names and see if they’re real? Actually nevermind, I bet you do it both ways. Oh man, I can’t wait to start hunting these other people down on Facebook and killing them! Wait, I mean, like, finding them and looking up their house and going over and killing them-ugh, sorry, I mean, like, getting in touch with them and becoming friendly and then meeting up with them and just literally murdering them. Whoops, I better cut this short, I guess.
Abby L., Yuma, AZ

Previously: Letters to the Editors of Women’s Magazines

Edith Zimmerman is a writer and editor living in Brooklyn.