Are 13-Year-Olds Taking Our Jobs?

“You know that feeling when you’re sort of floating around like a ghost and so exhausted that you consider drinking the Lola perfume in your goodie bag at Marc Jacobs? No? Me neither. Except this one time when I went to New York Fashion Week and it was sort of crazy.”

Gah. I want to douse the flaxen-haired author with superspicy haterade, snatch her bag, smash the perfume behind me like a smoke bomb, and go legging it down the block cackling like a maniac-but can’t. Because Tavi Gevinson, the writer, is a fashion blogger who’s been featured in Teen Vogue, the Times magazine, graced the COVER of the POP magazine relaunch and IS A CHILD. Like a teeny wee baby person, who can’t feel all that good to maul. Or at least it would feel FUCKING FANTASTIC but, like, only for a second.

Tavi is 13, small for her age, a dweeb, happens to be besties with Rodarte’s Mulleavy sisters, gets to go to ALL the shows, ALL the parties, and has Rei Kawakubo sending her Comme des Garcons like it’s no big whoop. People who know she exists are tired of hearing about her and people who remain ignorant of her existence get to go on feeling like they’ve made good decisions about their lives.

Whatever, girl’s got a grind. But on the heels of the video she shot for the launch of Rodarte’s Go collection for Target that was released on Style.com earlier this week (with a pretty extensive Q&A no less. Also, I think the line is barf, it’s Rodarte distilled to the point of looking like colored fondant), she’s reviewing spring collections for Harper’s Bazaar.

Here’s what she had to say about her BFFs’ runway collection:

“Rodarte was the most enchanting. It began with fog slowly crawling up the legs of our chairs. A few people coughed, unimpressed. But through the fog flew the Mulleavy sisters’ California condors, draped in burnt cheesecloths and distorted leather. Immediately, the unmoved were intrigued and didn’t care to hide it. The audience broke into roaring applause.”

Eh. Not dreadful. I get it, she likes it. But then she spouts some mess about how “effortless cool” is “always in style” and some other pshaw, which is right at the point that other magazines’ fashion editors, who you know were just spoiling to get their licks in, are turning on the girl, calling her gimmicky and JT LeRoyish. And sure, Bazaar’s on some WaPo shit with this anyway but now I’m wondering if this is the exact point that the wave crests and the backlash begins? Did this girl (who I think is clever and endearing and who I kinda don’t care if she’s nothing more than a brand because her market positioning is KILLER) peak at 13? And after a scant 2-year stint? If you look at the video, the expressions on everyone’s faces are exactly like they’re talking to Brüno and if you look at her blog, EVERYONE is posing for photos with positively vulpine rapaciousness. And it’s not just ’cause they’re starving.

Are they all colluding with the understanding that with one signal she could be flung from the party? Why does this start to feel like some elaborate parlor game and one in which whoever attempts to evict her prematurely can be blackballed too? Are there pony-hair animal masks involved? And gloves? And candelabras? And chanting? Am I giving these people way too much credit? What is this feeling of protectiveness I am feeling in my womb-area? I think I’m going to sleep now.